Insecure and Secure Attachment Styles.

One of the requirements of my Master's is to write a thesis, and my mentor wants me to focus on what he calls Relationship Self-Regulation.  After doing some research I've realized I have to start with attachment styles.

There are three simple attachment styles I want to talk about:  secure, insecure-anxious, and insecure-avoidant.  These are somewhat self-explanatory, but the gist of it is that those who feel insecure in their relationships usually employ two different insecure styles--anxious or avoidant.

People who feel insecure and become anxious in their attachment style tend to feel worried about their partners leaving them and feel that they always need to be in intimate, close relationships.  They feel like they are always the one pushing for more intimacy and they worry about others caring about them as much as they care about others.  We sometimes call this clinginess or neediness.  These people typically have lower self-esteem and are overly anxious (imagine that) about their relationships.

On the other hand, people who are insecure and react by becoming avoidant, struggle with becoming vulnerable to others and allowing intimacy into their lives.  These people very highly value their independence and ability to be self-sufficient.  Some avoidant styles are so extreme that people are literally afraid of becoming close to others.  But other avoidant styles are just neutral about whether they are in or out of a relationship.  These people tend to be defensive--meaning instead of becoming upset by rejection, they simply distance themselves from the source.  This can sometimes perpetuate a dangerous cycle of never wanting to be in a relationship.




Secure attachment is what we refer to as healthy.  As you can guess, these people are comfortable and find it easy to develop intimate and close relationships.  They are generally content with their roles in their relationship and feel comfortable with the balance between their independence and togetherness with their partner.