Benevolent Sexism.

This was a concept that completely changed how I viewed the world, men, and women.  Benevolent sexism. I actually gave a presentation on this idea in my Senior Shakespeare course because almost all of Shakespeare's plays include great examples of this.

I'm just going to talk about this in terms of men being sexist towards women because the examples are easier to understand.  It goes both ways, though.  Women can be benevolently sexist towards men as well.  The idea that someone can be benevolently sexist basically means that while trying to appear overly kind or generous, they actually view the other person as incapable or incompetent because of their gender.

My professor gave an awesome example when she told us a story one day about her old boyfriend.  Many years ago when she was still dating, she was getting pretty serious with a guy she liked.  For Valentine's Day they went out to a nice restaurant, but it was pouring rain.  When they pulled into their parking spot, she threw her door open, booked it to the restaurant, opened the door and walked inside to the dry warmth of the indoors.  All through dinner, he seemed perturbed and she didn't understand why.  After a little bit of prying, he finally admitted, "Well, you're supposed to wait for me to open your door.  I'm supposed to do that for you."  She was shocked because it was pouring rain and she just didn't want him to have to stand in the rain any longer than necessary.  She told him this, but he just replied, "Well I'm supposed to be your knight in shining armor on a horse coming to sweep you away."  She asked, "Well, what if I want to be on my own horse?"  He said, without a moment's pause, "Well then I'd push you off!".

Needless to say, their relationship ended shortly thereafter.  See, under the guise of chivalry, he was actually trying to keep her oppressed.  If she had wanted to be on her own horse, he wouldn't have let her, because in his mind, women were always supposed to be the damsels in distress.

This is a silly example and most times when someone opens a door for you, it's not benevolent sexism, but it's all about whether the benevolent action is done because someone literally doesn't think you are capable of doing it, or just because they want to give you a break.  A couple more examples:

I know some families who don't ever make their daughters sit next to strangers on planes because they feel that that's a man's job.  This again looks like chivalry, but what it's really teaching these girls is that they don't need to learn the skill of striking up conversations with strangers, they don't ever need to put themselves out of their comfort zone, and that a man will always be there to do the hard work for them.

Similarly, sometimes, young girls don't like calling to order pizza or answering the door when they're young.  When parents don't make any of their children do this, that's their own business.  But if parents makes their sons do these jobs, while letting their daughters get away with never stepping up to the plate, they are (maybe unintentionally) reinforcing the idea that women aren't expected to do hard things.  Men will always be there to do it for them.

Because hostile sexism (outward and aggressive negative views of someone's gender) is generally more recognized, it gets called out frequently.  Benevolent sexism, however, is a more subtle form of sexism that can seriously damage and man or woman's view of themselves.  I think that most of the time, this benevolent sexism is unintentional (mostly because people don't even know it exists), but it does happen, and it can shape how a person views their competency and capacities for the rest of their life.

Quick summary:

The Mask of Benevolence-

Hostile Sexism: Outwardly suggesting that women are incapable.

            Ex:  “Women should stay out of the workforce because they lack the skills necessary.” (Negative) 

Benevolent Sexism:  Outwardly idealizing women, while subtly suggesting that they are incapable.  

            Ex: “Women should stay out of the workforce because they excel at childcare.” (Positive)

This is, of course an oversimplification of the idea, and there are more situations and extenuating circumstances to be considered, but these examples provide at least enough for me to remember the basics about benevolent sexism.